How to Eliminate Entitlement

A “How To Plan” For Parents of Spoiled Real Estate Children: 

When I was younger, my neighbor had a crazy dog. Every day this dog would wait by the side of the road for vehicles to drive by. When a vehicle drove by, this crazy mutt would run down the road, barking and chasing everyone’s vehicle that drove by. 

On one rainy day, I asked my neighbor “Do you think the dog is ever going to chase down one of  those vehicles?” My neighbor replied, “That’s not what worries me. What worries me is what he would do if he ever caught one.”

Many people in life behave like that dog who is pursuing meaningless goals. Meaningless goals are goals that are not backed by values. Before you start defining your family goals you first need to define your values. 

Goals not backed by values are meaningless and might as well be considered criminal activity.  If you want to define the life goals you first need to define your values. The framework for setting goals back by values can be defined in the value goals triangle.

Your values should be well defined if you plan on setting meaningful goals. 

Step 1 Define Your Values 

Take time with your spouse, or by yourself to define your family values. These are the values that should transcend all areas of your life. For instance, in our family, we have 10 family values that we live by: 

1. Time 

2. Hard work

3. Love 

4. Integrity 

5. Self-Discipline 

6. Empathy 

7. Courage 

8. Communication 

9. Elegance   

10. Wealth 

Have you taken some real time to think about your family values? You can visit https://scottjeffrey.com/core-values-list/ to find a list of over 200 value. You and your spouse should sit down and write an individual list of 20 values. Next label them from 1 - 20 in descending order from the most important to you to the least important to you. Your spouse should do the same. Once you both are complete compare notes. I know you are going to be rushed to skip this step. I promise you this is the most important step in creating your plan. You and your spouse should discuss each value and why you wrote down what you wrote and why you valued it the way you did. 

The goal of this exercise is to come up with the top 10 vales you will hold as a family.  These values will define all your decisions and help you refine your goals.

Step 2 Goal Setting   

A lot has been written on Goal Setting, in fact, I have an entire book on goal setting entitle Goal Renovation. There are some key points that are important to remember when setting goals.

First - Brainstorm the different categories of your life. For example Health, Family, Income, Spiritual, Social 

Second- Brainstorm the subcategories for each one of those goals. For example, you might say:

Main Goal: Improve My Overall Health  

Subcategory: Physical
Subcategory: Mental
Subcategory: Fitness 

Third - Label a sheet of paper with all the main categories, subcategories and insert your values. That your spouse and you agreed upon for your life. Make sure to leave space to write about 10 goals for each category.

Example:
Main Goal: Improve My Overall Health  

Subcategory: Physical
Goal: I will lose 10 pounds

1. Time - I am going to improve my physical health in the shortest amount of time by losing 10 lbs by May 30, 2020. 

2. Hard work - I will lose 10 pounds by hard work of increasing my physical exercise and eating 2 very health small meals and dinner each day 

3. Love - Losing 10 lbs will show my wife how much I love her to make the commitment to be around for a long time

4. Integrity - If I don’t lose the 10 lbs it will violate my integrity and I hold integrity in strong regards. 

5. Self-Discipline- Because I value Self Discipline I will follow my plan for eating and exercise 

6. Empathy - Losing 10 lbs will help me connect more with those around me because I will have the struggle to share with them 

7. Courage - Losing 10 lbs takes a tremendous amount of courage 

8. Communication - I will communicate to those around me my goal to ensure that everyone knows my commitment to my plan

9. Elegance - When I lose 10 lbs I will feel more elegant    

10. Wealth - losing 10 lbs will reduce the medical costs on my family long term.
    
    

Subcategory: Mental 

1. Time 

2. Hard work

3. Love 

4. Integrity

5. Self-Discipline 

6. Empathy 

7. Courage  

8. Communication 

9. Elegance 

10. Wealth

Fourth now that you know why you want to achieve your goals you can write out some concrete goals. Determine a short term goal that is accomplishable for the category, a goal that would be attainable for the next year, and a shoot for the moon kind of goal that would be incredible if you were able to reach it. 

Main Goal: Improve My Overall Health
Subcategory: Physical  

Goal 1: I want to lose 10 lbs by May 30, 2020 

Goal 2: I want to lose 25 lbs by December 31, 2020 

Goal 3: I want to maintain a BMI of less than 12% for 10 Years  

Step 3 Time Management, Objectives, and Ethical Foundation

In this step, you are going to write down a clear path to the achievement of what you want to accomplish. This step includes how you will accomplish your goals. To keep with our following example you will write down the systems of use and record, objectives, and what will happen if you don’t accomplish this goal.  

Main Goal: Improve My Overall Health
Subcategory: Physical  

Goal 1: I want to lose 10 lbs by May 30, 2020
Goal 2: I want to lose 25 lbs by December 31, 2020 

Goal 3: I want to maintain a BMI of less than 12% for 10 Years 

Time Management: 

Walking the dog every morning

Taekwondo

Vitamines

drinking protein shakes for breakfast

keeping calories under 500 until dinner

eating sensible dinner

no snacking after dinner

tracking with the scale and my journal

Objective:

Lose 2 lbs per week 

walking the dog every morning 

Achieve my blue belt in taekwondo 

Buy 1 month of protein shakes in advance 

Have extra batteries for my scale 

Write out 1 - 30 in my journal to track my weight progress 

Ethical Foundation:

If I do not accomplish this goal I will donate $1,000 to the St. Patrick Center.  

Step 4 Do This Process For Each Category

Whew! I know this is a lot but if you want to actually write out a parenting plan that you will stick to and achieve the desired results then you need to be this detailed in writing your plan. You can do this for the category of parenting. 

Main Goal: Improve My Child's Behavior
Subcategory: Reduce Entitlement 

Goal 1: My child will earn her video game time
Goal 2: My child will earn their family vacation this year  

Goal 3: My child will eliminate entitlement from their behavior 

Time Management: 

The Coin System ™ 

1 piece of paper 

Objective:

Purchase The Coin System ™ 

Read the book 

Explain the tool to my child 

Complete the exercises in the book 

Help my child earn 2 hours of video game time 

Ethical Foundation:

If I do not accomplish Goal 1 I will donate $1000 to the local PTO.  

Planning takes hard work. According to a recent post by James Lehman, MS on EmpoweringParents.com “A false sense of entitlement affects all socio-economic classes. Kids who grow up this way don’t want the jobs that are available because they have the belief that they’re entitled to something better without having to make an effort.”  As a society, we must destroy this entitlement mentality. 

Entitlement is holding our children back because they are chasing meaningless goals. They are not going after the thanks they really want and based on the things they value most.